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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Castaway

It was a long, very long path.Madhu was walking down the lane, hurrying for her classes. As she took the turn she saw him. What went inside her she barely knows! Yes it was him or is it someone else? Because in all these months she had several times seen him just because she wanted to see him desparately.She stopped for a moment, thinking , might be again she was going through the same phase of semi halucianation.But no, it wasnt.It was actually he, a tall dark image was approaching her. As she realized this she thought what to do. Should she turn back and in turn get late for the class, or talk to him or just ignore him?



In these few months life has really become tough for Madhu.How do you actually interact with someone with whom you want to talk so desperately and yet cannot. As they got close to each other he approached her with his everlasting smile. She had no option but to greet him and then they together started walking down the lane to the college. They were talking of all sorts of things, but somewhere she felt awkward. She could not drive away that feeling of being "unwanted”. She tried hard, but how can she forget that she is just a "replacement" and was never a priority? She hated herself for this- after all she cannot stake her existence by being a replacement. She, Madhu has her own, very own existence and in any case that is not compromisable.

But hasn’t he changed? Isnt he genuinely sorry for what he did? Might be, might not, after all 7 months is not small. And in these 7 months, advices have been poured over her, time and again. Her judgement in choosing friends has been questioned, mocked and criticised. People have tried to give her crash course on the selection process, something which she dislikes so much- after all individual lives are all about their own judgements. And what can she or for that matter he do if she is not one of the top priorities in his life? She cannot blame him for this but yes, she can blame him for the perception he had created in her mind about their friendship.

Then she thought that what was the need for him to come back after 7 odd months. He was happy and she was trying to acclimatise herself with the new settings of friends. Initially she would skip her lunch just because he was not there to share it. And then she would leave the classroom early so that both of them are not left out alone. But then she had got new friends, to whom she mattered. So she was learning a life without him and then he returns. Why? She never understood what was the need for him to go away and then again come back? Wasn't he sensitive enough to understand what she desperately tried to make him understand? Yes, it was continuity of relationship. She expressed this time and again. She knew once that is lost she would never be able to deal with him normally. And exactly the same thing happened.
Now that he is there, she can neither ignore him nor love him. They can neither be enemys nor acquaintances nor friends. And when she sees him speaking to a group of friends, she calmly avoids them and walks away along anther path. May be the problem is within her or somehow he is unable to make her understand that she is also "important"?
Who knows when these two friends will come back to terms once again or may be they will be lost just like some other unforgettable chapters of life.

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