Thursday, May 26, 2011
Break Free!!Yes break free is the word. And I often feel this. I have never known the shackles; there aren’t any in the conventional sense. But sometimes I feel this immediate desire and that can be termed as only break free. Break free from work, from all possible outcomes of future, from all the memories of past and just sail through. If there can be life after death and if we can consciously experience that possibly I am urging for such a thing. I am trying to break free from things which I am so fondly in love with. The past memories, both good and bad, they provide me direction, a push to move forward, the future aspirations, they decide which road to take. And then all those responsibilities, so fondly earned credentials, without them I am just a blank bag of blood and bones!! The only exception can be my loved ones, even in this desperate urge to quit everything I don’t for a second feel like leaving them. But this extraordinarily power gush of emotions to leave everything and so immediately makes me wonder how mercurial I can be. Or is it that it happens with everybody. Our mind is the fastest thing to happen to us and when the mind perceives me as travelling to some far far corner of the country without the baggage of aspirations, emotions, memories, it really is tempting! Feel like a crane comes and just replaces me. Or just like a toggle happens…state 0 to 1! Or is it 1 to 0? No one knows. None will ever know. I automatically look to my holiday list. Search for that golden time when this can happen. I am sure by the time the actual time comes I will be back to myself (although I hardly know which is the “actual”” real” self) and will be taking decisions “judiciously”. And then that frantic “what to do” “where to go” look will disappear!!