A time to change

Today's topic would be to try to understand  the question of the traditional roles played by women in India mainly, and also the world.The way ,in general, social perception has been built , women are known to look after the family,bear children and that is where they should find salvation.Now in today's world when we have advanced a lot and we see a lot many working women it is time that we ask a question,whether this traditional perception of women, is ,at all valid.

Lets take a plunge into the past for this.Long back when cave man and woman decided that they should follow the steps of Adam and Eve, their only necessity was to eat, reproduce and sustain their family.In such a set up, the ability to sustain a family in a better way and the size of the family you can bring up, were the only measures by which your efficiency could be judged.So for a man, it was the number of women they had in their life and the number of children they had.For a woman too, it was by the number of children she could produce.There is a reason to this also.Our earth in the distant past was scarcely populated..yes it was..and people then must have understood that manpower was what it needed to be more powerful, successful.The definition of power and success , of course judged by number of wives and children you have, among other factors.This was a cycle..the more you reproduce the more powerful you are..the more powerful you are..the more you can reproduce.And why not..!!the kind of inputs that led to a good life and sustenance of life..involved heavy work..going to jungle,working with the woods,gathering food from the dense forests, breaking stones and so on.Life was very hectic and hard.So for obvious reasons,the physically weaker sex,women lacked much behind in all these.It was very difficult for a woman to emerge as the food provider of a family.She gradually emerged not as someone who could provide food like men, but as someone who could produce men.Healthy, strong men.Hence those women who could not do so..came to be known as unholy,unlucky,the bereaved.It is important to understand the position of an unmarried girl in a family in this respect.The only use of woman , as a producer, was not available unless she gets married.So until that time she was a burden on her father.In a social structure that has a scarcity of resources, love, duty and responsibility are not always the only things.So when it comes to bringing up a child,or spending some resources for him/her, in case there is a paucity of resources, the provider would always try to dispose of the unproductive things as early as possible.Hence came in the custom of early marriages.A girl, as soon as she reached her puberty was married of.And even in some cases before that...when the bridegroom is hedging the future risk of not getting a beautiful, healthy wife.Even the definition of being beautiful has been very close to what it means to have the ideal body statistics to bear more and more healthy children.Thus girls were married of as early as the age of 10-12.And then in the years to come the girl became extremely weak,giving birth to children year after year,with severe malnutrition, and other diseases.If you are giving birth to 10 or 15 children in a span of 20 years(which could have been your most "productive" years in other ways too), starting from an age of 14 or 15, it is obvious that you wont have any good health left out to do other things.
So for understandable reasons , it was the RIGHT social structure that women stay back at home, nurturing their offspring and bringing more of them to the world, while the provider, the man goes out for work.

Now , in everything we see, we know, the person , the group who "provides" has an undoubtable upper hand.Take for the example your employer.So unless the service is very rare and very important, it is the provider of money who is the boss.Because he provides exchangeable currency.I will write a separate post on this soon.Hence we can understand why the males in a family grew to be masters.He will demand care, attention, pampering,he will make rules and ensure that they are followed.In short, he will want a gratification of his power.And in such a scenario, if we consider the male and female as two distinct entities of a bigger social picture, who would not want to decrease the power of the other entity and grow themselves?So as time passed, it became a male dominated society.And came in such fundas as "daughter is a guest","kanyadan" etc.If a daughter stays with you only for 8 or 9 years before she is married,before she develops her own identity,personality,she is indeed a guest!She cant get anything from parents, she cant be an intrinsic part of her maternal/paternal clan.Yes,she imbibes everything from her inlaws.And gharjamais were looked down as expected.Certainly because they were "weak" they could not sustain their family themselves, and took help from another male..the wife's father/brother(the males will be in a state of continuous struggle for power among themselves).This continued for years over years, and now we have our present society.

Now take a look at present.One, the nature of work needed to sustain a family has drastically changed.You don't go to jungles or wage a war to sustain your family.A vast part of job profiles consists of cushy jobs and getting paid.Two, and thank god and the inventor,birth control has arrived.You don't have to give birth year after year and yet your carnal desires can be fulfilled.Three,today's world does not need a big family.Come on..its population EXPLOSION.We need less number of children unlike the past.Four,the maternal health has improved drastically over the years.Thanks to the laws and medical facilities.So we have more number of physically healthy women in the society.Five, on an average women are getting married at an age over 20.So for 20 years her closest relatives are only her parents and siblings.She cant be called a "guest" any more.Six,the definitions of power,success have , to some extent changed.We can no longer say that a women who gives birth to 10 sons is a worthy human being.We do not consider widows as totally useless unlike the past when they were rendered useless because of their incapability to give birth and satisfy a man in the legitimate way.We do not consider a man with 20 wives as a "MAN".Seven,information revolution has taken place.It is very difficult to keep someone uninformed.Hence everyone is mostly or can be aware of his/her position/role in the society.Eight,just like the past,everything is governed by the convenience and power.So it is more convenient to have a dual income family,gives more money,makes you more powerful.

Coming to a close, what I want to say is, the rules and social structures in any society are always constructed based on deep social, economic factors, are based on the convenience of people, over the struggle for power, over domination and revolution. Over the years these take shape into an extremely stringent rule based system, a closed dark box. You never become aware that those very reasons which led to the rules have changed and that you need to change also. New rules have to be made in a society where the dynamics of everything is fast changing. One cannot keep his/her eyes closed and be impervious to all these.The ideal society should be such which should give equal opportunity to all, that should not take decisions on behalf of others lives and that should have equal representation of all the parties. This is not something to happen in a day. And in fact, ideal is a word that suits in dictionaries only.But then haven't we learnt about differential calculus ?Limit tends to ideal?..at least we can strive for betterment.It’s time to take a call...

Fuzzy Logic and Me

From the days I studied this topic in college everything has been fuzzified.Neither did I understand it then , nor do I ,now, given that I encounter it at every phase of life. So everything is stuck between 0 and 1.And no one knows what, when , where, how!!I search for happiness, peace..everyone else does so..but when I tend to know what will make me happy , I get confused.Not that I have been this confused always.But the time from when I have learnt to undersatnd that consequences to the correct knowledge of the answer of this question can make a hell lot of difference in your life..I have started getting confused.
So what are the main problems? Take for example,leaving a well paid job for pursuing higher studies.Higher education is well and good.But what about life after that?Is it going to be some ease in your career or turn out even more nightmare?Next comes the bigger question..whom to marry, when to marry?Or marry at all?I dont want to be an outlier as such, but then the happiness of being single is too dear to sacrifice, unless...ofcourse you get an "YES" from your inner self!!And sometimes that yes comes packaged in a hazy pack..very difficuly to identify.Again things go FUZZY!! Apart from this, ceratin behavioural aspects too are there.I have realized this one thing..that you cannot be your true self even if you want to be.So you cannot be humble always, you cannot totally not be pretending, you cannot let go always, you cannot be conforming always.And there lies the challenge.Answers are more often fuzzy than being a specific yes or no.Tough times to come!!!

Memoirs of Geisha

Memoirs of Geisha...I was reading this book during the last week.And the first question that comes to mind is how does the sadness , unhappiness, the feelings of hollowness of people staying long away from us be so similar to our own.Memoirs of a Geisha has a completely different context, speaks of a life that I have never and will never come across.But still I could not help but empathize with them."Them" I say because this book is not only about the central character Sayuri but also about a host of other Geishas..the bad ones..the good ones..the weird ones.The one thing that is important is each of us can recognise with their dreams, aspirations, sadness, happiness, failures and success.
This book is extremely women centric.So whether you like it or not you will be taken to a world full of women..the way they think, speak behave, dress, eat,work, dream , expect.And yet there is no help you can get in understanding how to deal with woman's expectations, in case you are reading it with the intention to find such answers.
This book is like a flowing river, where every phase of life begins somewhere, carries somethings and emerges as something else.Only the name remains same.The book begins with extremely sad things happening ,but slowly some optimism also comes in.But at no point you will feel like happiness has triumphed.This book is not for people who want to experience the rosy picture of life.Rather, it is for them who can feel the deep melancholy hidden in this story.An excellent book, that emerges as a lifetime experience.The entire road to reading the book takes you to a picturesque world.Every nuance is subtly expresses, explained and carried forward.
Indeed a great deal of satisfaction to read this awesome book!!!

What MBAs dont know

About one year post our MBA we have some time to look back and decide what we missed in our MBA.An MBA teaches you to expect the unexpected, to know things in a very short span of time and to get things done. But what it does not teach is your own involvement and the extent of involvement. If you are a workaholic you can dedicate your entire time, if you are not, you don’t have any other option. So there lies the crux that an MBA teaches you to be professional, to backstab even the dearest of your friends, to be indifferent of whatever the circumstances are around you in case it is against your own good. Basically we are mainly taught how to be the best in existing processes. We lose the insight to look into processes in an unbiased way; we lose the urge to create new processes. We go through each process, to perform the best, and as the pressure builds up some of us succeed, rest fall back. We do not have a contingency plan...we just have to be the best. But let’s not forget that not all people can become CEOs and CFOs.Not all people want to. And there can be other ways of making oneself happy other than great money and awesome appraisal. We are taught to be professional at all points of time still we never do forget our trivial and junk methods of personal attacks and stupid remarks. And in being such "professional" we lose the human touch. Let’s not forget that we are human beings and we as humans, as a social creature cannot be mutually exclusive with us, as the hardworking, intelligent worker. Professionalism does also include work-life balance and not making your work your life. If even after work hour you are constantly thinking of "how to do things" at your workplace, somehow you are prioritizing something’s over other. If it is by your choice, you may enjoy it, but if it is by compulsion, you are left with frustration. And your MBA doesn’t teach you to explore the other options. Once our Director Subbu told that the world is unfair and you have to get accustomed to it and accept it. You have to know methods to hack the code of life. But seldom does one speak of changing this unfairness. We look for ways of escaping, not facing it, not changing it. And their lies the utter failure of our so called acclaimed entrepreneurial skills. I don’t say that alignment to existing processes is wrong, because not all of them may be faulty. But what I say is we take things for granted. We do not question the validity of processes or the need of a process.

Break Free

Break Free!!Yes break free is the word. And I often feel this. I have never known the shackles; there aren’t any in the conventional sense. But sometimes I feel this immediate desire and that can be termed as only break free. Break free from work, from all possible outcomes of future, from all the memories of past and just sail through. If there can be life after death and if we can consciously experience that possibly I am urging for such a thing. I am trying to break free from things which I am so fondly in love with. The past memories, both good and bad, they provide me direction, a push to move forward, the future aspirations, they decide which road to take. And then all those responsibilities, so fondly earned credentials, without them I am just a blank bag of blood and bones!! The only exception can be my loved ones, even in this desperate urge to quit everything I don’t for a second feel like leaving them. But this extraordinarily power gush of emotions to leave everything and so immediately makes me wonder how mercurial I can be. Or is it that it happens with everybody. Our mind is the fastest thing to happen to us and when the mind perceives me as travelling to some far far corner of the country without the baggage of aspirations, emotions, memories, it really is tempting! Feel like a crane comes and just replaces me. Or just like a toggle happens…state 0 to 1! Or is it 1 to 0? No one knows. None will ever know. I automatically look to my holiday list. Search for that golden time when this can happen. I am sure by the time the actual time comes I will be back to myself (although I hardly know which is the “actual”” real” self) and will be taking decisions “judiciously”. And then that frantic “what to do” “where to go” look will disappear!!

28 and More

Contemplating on past, present, future...future's future all is a part of us.We spend countless hours for this.And all this investment comes only with the fact that we grow older!!..Yes...I am speaking of my age...very difficult for women to comment on that...and hence its 28 and more...there's a benchmarking done and there's no upper limit.What I am interested is...what has changed...The last 5 years have marked a spectacular change in everything..N (when n tends to infinity) number of malls coming up, reality shows ka tamasha and so on...But what has changed to me...Well now I am a little more wiser, or I think it to be so.One of the people I have known used to comment that people who are single still in earaly 30s or late 30s are like the left outs of food..Though I am strictly very against this funda and only because I feel anybody's value doesn’t run on depreciatiating manner. Rather it’s a constant depreciation and appreciation ,both at the same time. So perhaps now I feel it’s the peak of my lifetime in terms of being fit, energetic and thoughtful at the same time. Even my language skills have typically become great. I know gaalis in Hindi, English, Bengali, Mallu!!That’s a great achievement. Now I have started to look at the anti age cream advertisements and talk nonsense in a very serious tone. This actually worked! Recently I was given two blood reports in Apollo Clinic, for the same sample, same test and on same date. With my "nonsense speaking" skills I was successfully able to make them feel that I understand the "case management" process and should therefore get my money back. Otherwise, anyone wearing a long skirt and a simple T and having that crazy, half mad look will be considered as just a simple si ladki who is almost similar to the cow standing on Kolkata roads. And what else...Most importantly I have learnt that happiness is not something which comes when all your desires are fulfiled.Its either by stretching yourself or by accommodating yourself in the framework of what you have, you become happy. And still I hold almost all of my old favourites true.

20 Things!!!

Twenty things I dont like when I am in a bad mood:
1. To see faces which look slutty (however most of my reference point is based on Hindi movies and some stupid incomprehensible thing called inner thoughts!!?)
2. Accidental and unnecessary brushing of shoulders while walking (though the Kolkata crowd would certainly have some reasons ...like Kolkata is too crowded, they found my perfume too much addictive etc etc which are beyond the scope of my intellectually challeneged brains)
3. The lady behind me in the bus continually leaning over me for support without even giving a try to hold the bus handle to resist the laws of inertia.
4. My car going over bumps
5. Guys expressing "how much I love you" kind of dialogues
6. Completely brainless guys
7. Male Chauvinistic Guys
8. Over indulgent aunties who inflate their son's salaries and send marriage proposals
9. Stupid guys who feel salary is the only thing which can increase their ICC (Intellectual and Commonsense Counter)
10.Guys who share dirty or unreasonable sarcastic hurting jokes about every other girl but are terribly hurt, taken aback, disturbed, destroyed, ashamed,flabergasted , mourned to depression when the same is meant for their lady love who never even gives them a damn
11. People who behave as if nothing has happened and act innocent like teddy bear
12. Gals who keep on blabbering and on and on....
13. Staying in office when I have absolutely no work, no future chances of work, no hopes of staying in the same office again
14. Friends demanding to come over at midnight to have a blast when I have loads of work to do and loads of tiredness to refresh upon!!And then the inevitable blackmail, silence abuse starts...
15. Friends who pretend to be always extra terrestrially busy because of the excellent job profile they possess in an excellently dumb company
16.Friends who shoot amateur , unproductive, uninteresting , totally disgusting, unrelated ,disoriented, boring, trivial videos without any content of humour,drama,nature,character, emotion,passion,story ,adventure, thrill in it ,shot in their high resolution costly mobile phones and show those to me every time I meet them.
17.So called friends or roomies or hostel mates who by chance get hold of my hard earned completed assignment and pass it on to others saying its them who have done it , thus earning 1000000 wow points of great fellowship from others for free
18. Boy friends who show a contorted face with bow shaped eyebrows every time you mention you have something important with your parents/friends/personal.
19. Friends (who are girls) suddenly get hooked to a new found love and start complete ignorance of the presence of others in any common/uncommon place they are in
20. People who post comments in Facebook for every trivial reason, who are attention seekers and who never get that attention and who crave for it and start posting comments!!

P.S. Most of the times I am in such bad mood :)
Acknowledgement: Insprired by MangoMan..really admire his blogs!!!