An Ode To Life

The antique apertures were all closed and dark,
The air rarefied,
Inside the castle was she, struck
With sorrow and horrified.

She grew up in that way;
And never met anyone.
She lived life in a deadly way,
She had never waited for someone.

The castle stood high up in the air,
It was majestic and gorgeous,
It symbolized pride and splendour,
Its apparent hardness was obvious.

People were all afraid of the strange structure,
No one ever dared to enter it,
The emotions in her never did rupture,
The castle was a rare piece with sky above and earth beneath.

And then once in a bright morning,
A narrow sunbeam did make its way,
Through the tranquil ancientness, so overpowering,
It was perhaps the only courage of the day.

She was struck with surprise,
As her face did illumine,
With the countless glowing device,
And she entered into a new world of sunshine.

Now she was happy and gay,
For her old strangeness she did repent;
New hopes bloomed in her way.
The tender touch was so sentient.

Her heart was dazzling with delight,
The heart that has been untouched for days,
Now her happiness touched a new height,
And she thanked the bright sunrays.

It taught her to love, it taught her to live
Her notion of life and its miseries changed;
The passionate particles knew to contrive
Her oddness, and her thoughts from east to west ranged.

She now understood, it is only affection
That can give and take everything,
That gave her an unsaid satisfaction,
And the heavenly gift to her from the glowing sunbeam.

(Something needs to be written about this poem.This peom I wrote when I was 16.This is my first poem .Although I used to write some pretty decent poems as a kid, but then before this one came, I last wrote when I was in Std V.So can say this is my first poem.It was 11th Nov and I woke up suddenly at 4 am,( you only know how unusual is that for me!), because suddenly it happened to me.So one can say, that it is really my dream poem and very close to my heart)

Why I am NOT a Symbian

Dictionary says Symbiosis means "any interdependent or mutually beneficial relationship between two persons, groups, etc.".But do I really belong to that category?
I have many faces - red , green , blue,white and so on.Am I myself aware of those faces?Sometimes yes and most of the times no!They keep on changing like masks.They make me puzzled. I remember once I dreamt of being a carbon atom where my face goes for substitution reaction.Perhaps that was an overdose of organic chemistry in the early years of your life when you just begin to "make" masks.But now I find how true that was.Now I can make,wear and sell masks.My faces are not individuals, some of them like parasites.Creeping creatures who constantly struggle with each other, in an unending endevour to defame each other.And not only this, I sometimes even forget which one is my real face?May be that lies below all these masks!!And why is it so shy to make its presence felt ?May be because the new faces are so much overpowering.But sometimes when in the lonly hours I look at myself I feel desperate, desparate to tear off all those .None of the faces are in symbiosis, none of the faces want each other.How true that is when we see things around us.I may sound skeptic.I may sound pessimistic.But isnt that true?We all have faces, we all are constantly struggling to project the best face.Illusion, they say sometimes makes you happy.True.We human beings are living life in a kind of illusion.We are utmost sensitive to our own needs , be it materialistic or emotional.And we do everything for people we love.Isnt that utmost self centeredness?Because we cannot live without them.Because as humans we are also like parasites who need support and reinforcement to survive.But how often do we think about other people?Isnt the charity we do is also for self satisfaction of being benevolent?I know I can never arrive at objectivity in this regard.When I looked into myself I found that I am a mixture of heterogenous thoughts with contending forms of human rationality and self enforced definitons of logic.I give replies to only those questions which I would like to address and even those questions were formulated by me.We have travelled a long path since the days of Feudalism to Post Modernism all to determine the true human nature.But it seems like a mirage because whatever I think,I think about me,and I mend all the ways to fit that.And when other people criticise me then they too do the same.So I can never get a true picture of what I am.All my faces ,they argue with each other and finally the one wins which fits the situation best to satisfy my personal satisfaction.Hence for the same reason I can treat two different persons differently, I can love one person and hate other ,both having same "specifications" and I can utilise the same dimension of time in different ways.
So all my faces are prime characters in the play called Bidisha.And they cannot mingle with one another, rather all of them exist, in perfect animosity, because the faces ,if they would have been similar would have become one single unit.Their very existence is because they are so different and antagonistic.So I am not a Symbian and I cannot be a Symbian.I only need to identify all those faces..may be one day I will be able to see the multi faced me ....

An Autobiography of a Weathered Leaf

Do you know me my beloved?
I am a torn, yellow, weathered leaf
Of your premises, that is swept
By every small blow of wind, yes, I am just a weathered leaf.
My destination is nowhere
I am carried there, where the gusty winds take me...
I abide here and there
But no one offers a home to me
And whenever I pass by the lanes
Where I can feel your fragrance
My tears come along, like a thousand rains,
And my urge deepens for one glance
My roads are never the same
Sometimes, I travel along the red countryside
And sometimes by the rugged lane
Sometimes across the barren rocks and sometimes by the seaside.
In my endless journey, where the path never does cease
I carry laughter, tears, success and failures with me
I talk to flowers, birds and the gentle breeze
I sleep at the cradle of the shadowy tree
But again, whenever I see myself
In the lucid watersIt reminds me of my green days and I seek myself
In some lost days, in some forgotten years.
And while I travel in the lands far, far away
Yet there's something that holds me back to the past
A bunch of hopes, some stale memories of happiness and gay
And some unspoken feelings that forever last....

P.S. This poem reminds me of JU days..some lost memories,some forgotten lanes...

Soul Dies

Life seems to be a burden of my dead desires,
Hope, nothing but a very distant vision,
Likelihood of some happiness is nil,yet the cruel hours
Are gliding on and on.

There are many men around me,
But yet I am desserted from the crowd,
I have known myself and they have known me,
Oh!I cant love them,I cant hate them,I cant cry aloud

The nature is scattering its sparkling beauty
Everywhere can be seen the glory of sanguine sunshine,
But I can perceive a dark world within,devoid of serenity
A world where I can find nothing mine.

I still carry the burden of my rotten desires.
And survive with the support of some stale memories,
Things were never like this in the past years,
Now I have faced complere seiure of all my feelings.

Everything remains unchanged and the same,
But I am lifeless and tired of pretensions,
My captivity has overpowered my name,
And I am left with my own ruins.

I have never known my sin,
Yet I am lost and I will come back never
I have no tears to shed at my coffin,
My soul has died,my soul rests forever.
PS. : This poem was written long back in 2000 

Imperfect Impressions

Above was blue sky standing still,
Below the vastness of concrete,
A lifeless, terrifying thought,
As if something was unknown, something secret;
The thought was unknown, profound and redolent
And a bemoaning voice could be heard
From a very distant place --a prolix, incomplete thought.
Yet silence pierced through every heart,
Every heart was blank, timid and obsolete,
Motion was still and stagnant,
All changes had already occurred:timelessness was now set,
To make each one foolish, each one vacant


The next was a speedy road—a busy junction
Everyone looked for a moment at the options,
And then turned on—never waiting for anyone,
For anything, each one lost in their own notions
Time appeared at a new pace—each heart—incomplete and unfulfilled, running away
From everything, from everyone and from themselves,
Perhaps, all decided to run on an endless, unblissful and cruel way.

In Search of Eternity

The path never ceases –travels from way onto way,
It is covered with the leaves of antiquity
That are woven in the earth’s muddish array,
As if seeking someone, as if in search of eternity.

The clouds float high above and watch beneath;
Often bemoaning, for their life’s vanity;
They are born, they wander, they die in a myth,
As if in search of a cherished desire, as if in search of eternity.

The ocean, hiding the gloom of thousands in its breast
Receives all, nurtures all – full of divinity;
Centuries have passed, but the ocean – never does it rest,
As if deemed to be immortal, as if in search of eternity.

And that poor old man – with torn clothes and gloomy face,
Bearing the burden of man’s cruelty
Also struggles and survives, worn out in the selfish race,
As if in search of life, as in search of eternity.

Tears wont come

Tears won’t come to me
I have had much of them
You can try as much as possible, may be
But tears won’t come…

Because life never stops and never does it let you stop
Because the oceans go on and on
Because there is some strength in every rain drop
Tears won’t come…

Days sobbed in despair, days, so deceitful,
That I have had…
But they never did defeat me, not at all,
I assure, tears won’t come…

I hate tears, I hate weak moments
They take away everything
And now, that nothing is left to me but laments,
I know tears won’t come…

Let them rest in peace and freedom
Free from my eyes, my soul, where they irked,
Let me see new colours of dawn,
I am happy, tears won’t come…

Stay with me, see with me
To see the clouds unveil the sun
Share the joy and be a part of me,
You will know, tears will never come

Before End Comes.....

Where the ocean shrinks to narrowness,
Where all hopes fall into the dark,
Where each road ceases,
Dear friend, I have crossed that mark….

Where the flowers loose their fragrance,
And the birds – they forget to sing and fly
Where gloom resides in every glance,
Dear friend, now I feel to die….

Where all colors mingle into gray,
Where silence stops to conquer all things,
Where tears stay dumb -- only the eyes say,
Dear friend, I have tried every means….

Where one looses every identity,
Where no hopes lie ahead,
Where desires wait for infinity,
Dear friend, it has been a long time since my soul is dead…

Illusion

The girl watched everything.Their glittering clothes and eyes,their hope ,the unsaid, unexplained lustre in their eyes.The girl. she is just 22 , heading towards an infinite world, in a MBA school.Truly MBA schools give you everything other than time with yourself.Because you have to think of the community, how to make money and then all other means of how to preserve that money.The girl, so lean and so similar to all other girls of her age was almost indistinguishable in the crowd.The crowd had a work to do, that is to cheer up the children.The girld had worked with those children and many others by virtue of her work with the NGO.The children belonged to the backward classes of the society , and the MBA college ,being a premier Business School has to have some CSR activity to promote its benevolence.

Every year the children particpate in the B school festivals.They dance ,they sing ,dressed in beautiful dresses.They come down to the stage like little fairies .They have been with the NGO for a couple of years now.And the NGO has been successfully able to support these children.
The girl, with a spark in her eyes was looking at those children.Children who belong to a class where they dont have any right to dream,and even if they dream,they can only think of lots and lots of money pouring onto them,without even giving a thought where that money comes from.Children who have grown up watching Shahrukhs and Amitavs, teaching them how everything is possible in life . So is it so actually?The girl thought. When she was at home, (where she had not been for a couple of years now), her maid used to idealize her way of dressing up.She would try to do it exactly the way her employer did.The maid respected her so much.But why was it not possible that her maid would have tried to copy her perseverance for education?Why is it only glamour is something to be copied and improvised upon?May be because at some stage you dont have an idea of what to choose.
And now see these children.Under the supervision of the NGO they go to school,they study.But when they come to the festivals, wearing those beautiful dresses arent they attracted by the glam of MBA? a place where mostly students from most affluent families come and try their luck in increasing their already existing money? Arent they illusioned by all these? Will they ever be able to study in these colleges leave apart aspire to become CEOs?
With these stream of questions banging her head, the girl realized that may be these children will never be able to do all that they dream of now.In India there are thousands and crores of people who meet their destiny just beacause it is their destiny! And she cant do anything about it.
With this may be a few lines fom Tagore would have been appropropriate:
"Aguner poroshmoni chhoyao praney...
E jibon purno karo, e jibon purno koro...."

Beyond Time

The sky is mine,the angels are all my friends,
I want to see them,I want to speak with them,
And watch them rejoice beyond the ends,
Dancing and singing in a eavenly rhythm.

I want to look through the cloud,
I know they can never shadow me,
I want to see through then and laugh aloud,
As they play and chatter with me.

I want to peep into the abode of stars,
And perceive the fairy living in the mystic world
When the graceful wonder passes the idle hours,
Adoring her beauty and looking onto the entire world

I want to see the first dew on the green leaf,
When the dawn slowly comes into existence
I want to feel its joy and grief,
And see how it gets drenched in happiness rains.

I want to hover with the the running waters.
As they go on flowing in a n incessant way,
Travelling from land to land ,visiting several harbours,
And carrying burdens in their long tiring way.

I want to rejoice in the verdant of nature,
I want to listen to its song,enjoy its beauty and grasp its rhyme,
And loose myself in the unknown of nature,
I want to cross the limits of eternity and move beyond time.

An Ideal Day for an Ideal MBA!!!

This New Year, that is beginnig of 2009 has been a spectacular one!!!We SCMHRD ians have been taught to accept anything and everything without uttering a word and then again find out all devious means to escape from that.Atleast life here, so far has been like this.So we can nicely accept the fact of "grounding" some 80 people for the entire semester,"grounding" people who on an average are 24 years old,who have decent work experience !!We can accept to do 30 hours of weekly library reading rather "time pass in library" inspite of the fact that we have classes of only 10/8 hrs a day.So to accept something and to do something is altogether different.So now we know that somethings are just to be accepted.But we cannot say anything because somehow we have lost the courage or else we are too reluctant to show our talents here.Ofcourse out of this,some people have emerged,whose level of sustainance for scrap has been quite low and they have urged to change the system.But one thing I have learned after coimng here ,is nothing can kill you if you want to survive.So 10 hours of class.acads,non acads,Surpirse exams with no clue about what exam it is(rem we have only 13 core subjects in 1st sem),and tantrums- all these can just be a part of your curriculum to make you more strong and not "panic" in every single thing.So just one day before exam you can go and rock in a party,chill and sleep.Because we are future CEOs and we should not get tensed.But we should know how to get the work done.Hence we should have a good bunch of friends who should be good in doing assignments and understanding enough to share that with us.Yes,it is true that friends are meant to help and share,someone with whom you spend a good time and then remember those times when he/she is not with you and I do strongly believe that but what if friendship is based on timely basis where you have pockets of friendships and you fit each person in those.That is,you have a best friend before exams,you have another for partying,and then another..and so on...and lo!!!Its so similar to somethings way back!!!And ofcourse we should be good at MS Word and MS Excel,yes ,we have to be,otherwise our teachers are intelligent enough to understand a "copied" assignment if we dont change fonts and colours!!! And expectations!!! As future CEOs we should always lower our expectations for things we have worked hard ,for things we DESERVE.Because other people may get more leverage.After all luck and packaging are important factors in being successfull.So how does one go about it?My suggestions are :(And see I am not asking for any consultation fees)
1.Be social.When you meet any body behave as though the person is your best friend and this is the last time you are going to meet him/her
2.No need to know yourself,just know how to project yourself in a way that gets your job done.
3.You must know how to say the samething in a different way.Seriously it DOES HELP...even in office meetings!!!
4.Be able to go to any body and ask for the assignment which you are going to blindly copy.Dont be ashamed.It is your right.
5.Learn the trick of avoidng and neglecting friends because you cannot have an infinite number of friends.So choose the most productive ones in terms of incentives.
6.Be very sensitive and understanding for your own needs and expectations.When it comes to others,always say that you were very disturbed hence overlooked their problems.
7.Learn to respect people whom you dont want in your life.Remember they are Class C items(aka ABC Analysis),or else they are like old saris kept in the upper most shelf,hardly used,that gets torn along the folds with time.
8.Always think that you are going to die the very next day.So today you can do anything and you will be forgiven.
9.Lament for all the things you have not achieved and when others do so please do not forget to criticise.
10.DO NOT PANIC.

So having said the ten commandments ,now I proceed to say why I feel that the 1st of Jan ,2009 was an ideal day.We had made interesting plans for 31st but because some people feel good to put others in trouble,we had an exam on 1st.But I didnt panic(Rume 10).I decided that I may die the next day,so why not take the exam and die?(Rule 8).Hence inspite of being sad for the fact that 31st midnight is screwed,I criticisd others who were sad ,gave them gyan and in turn gave enthu to others for studying(Rule 9)!!!Thus I proved to be of great help, and thats because I am very sensitive and understanding (I also need some entertaintment on 31st right!!!And "helping" others is not bad right!!!)(Rule 6).And then on 1st morning,took the exam--had studied so much ,was awake the whole night,that exactly knew how to put the old wine in new bottle.(Rule 3).So exam went so well!!!Then had class,diligently attended the class.But I needed a break and hence could not attend class till 8.30 in the evening.I do respect the prof and I do think that it is good to attend the class,but when I did an ABC analysis of my needs I found that I should go out with friends. Hence bunked two classes(believe me I really wanted to attend)(Rule 7).Had a nice time with friends.And on top of that on 1st Jan I have wished some 100 people,including those I have met in person and others through sms ,phone ,mail etc.Most of them are people about whom I care the least and vice versa.But may be on 2nd Jan ,they will not be there,may be I will not be there,so I wished them and they wished me(Rule 1).But yaa,there are some loopholes also,its not that only I will always get the opportunity to apply the ten commandments on others.So I was neglected by some , who feel that I am Class C.True! every person has his/her limits!!!(Ruke 5).Finally ,didnt have an assignment to do that day, so didnt get a chance to showcase Rule 4.See,we dont get to imply everything on a single day,everyone is not so lucky.
So in all 1st Jan has been a perfect MBA day which implies that the whole year (since I am very superstitious) will be like this.This is good actually.Atleast I will learn something.Otherwise,someone someday has said to me that I should have been a BA.With all due respect to all those who are BA., you only know what it means when people say that why did'nt you do a "BA" instead of being in JU,learning all the skills in class bunking,uttering slangs and doing all the masti !!!So now that I am not a BA ,rather M"BA", I aspire to follow all the rules religiously this year and work very hard on the rules.
P.S : Just tried to follow Rule 2.....